Could this be a new entry? Maybe.
2006-04-17 @ 12:59 a.m.
Technically it's Monday right now. Marathon Monday. Hoo-fucking-ray. I don't understand this marathon bullshit, personally. I mean, I understand for the people who are watching this farce that it's a free day off for no real reason, so they might as well go out and get shitcocked while they watch some jackoffs that they don't know run by. This shit is such a big deal in Boston though, and I just can't get behind it. I mean, I can even get behind St. Patrick's Day, and I'm FAR from Irish, except that I do like to fight and have a tiny dick. But the marathon? No thanks.
See, my problem with it is that 90% of these assholes running it are such self important, egocentric douchebags that I just can't support them in anything. The way they strut around all cocky in their marathon windbreakers the whole weekend before the event, even though it's either too warm or too cold for that shit, but at least they have their self satisfaction to keep them comfortable. Hell, half the stretching these yuppie assholes do is so they can more effectively pat themselves on the back and lick their own balls.
There are all these billboards posted around the city right now centered around fellating all the runners, shit like "Only 1% of the world will ever finish a marathon." Yeah, that's becasue 99% of the world realizes that running a marathon is stupid. I mean, think about it, most of these jerks are businessmen driving BMW's around, trying to perform one more display of their dominance to lord over the rest of us, but really, these chumps will never have to run in their pathetic lives, let alone have to run 26 miles. There is NEVER a reason to run 26 miles, people. Humans aren't supposed to run. Bad knees are proof of that. If people were supposed to be running everywhere, our knees would be the strongest parts of our body, but they aren't, in fact they're the first things to fall apart. We only have the capacity to run because there may be a time when we have to run for our lives. And if you have to run 26 miles for your life, sorry, you're getting eaten by whatever's chasing you.
The one exception I have to my disdain for marathon runners is the Kenyans. I mean, holy shit, those guys probably don't even know it's supposed to be a race. I'm pretty sure the only reason most of those guys are running in this thing is because gas prices are so high these days. Hell, all the fuckin' backpatters have been going to great lengths to make sure everyone can hear them talking about how they have to keep a strict diet for the race, and then I have Kenyans asking where they can get a good cheeseburger. I love those fuckin' guys.
So yeah, the verdict is marathons are for losers.